Tuesday, October 21, 2008

No Pink Ribbons

In yesterday's New York Times Health section, there was a raw and powerful essay by N. West Moss about one of the most underdiscussed topics women face: miscarriage. The piece is pitch perfect, full of truncated pain, but brimming with hope.

Generally, we don't discuss miscarriage. It isn't a happy topic. We don't blog about it. And when it happens to us or someone we know, some consoling words are whispered and the expectation is that we all move on, and quickly. The tears, the pain and the blood that accompany such an event are usually experienced by an audience of one. As Moss observes, there are no pink ribbons for this cause, to raise awareness or muster sympathy. It is a reality that many, many women endure alone.

Miscarriage--while deeply painful--is not, as Moss writes the death knell of hope or motherhood. So maybe we should stop treating it as such. It is not contagious. It is not a bad omen. It is a heartbreaking disappointment that is neither shameful nor uncommon. It is the loss of a dream, the end of a very new reality. But it is not a final analysis. Hope always remains and endures.

We are all sisters, even before we are Mamas.


Anonymous said...

As the author of that article, it does my heart good to wake up this morning and see the discussion about miscarriages continuing. I hope we can all begin to talk about it and diminish the taboo and support each other. Thank you for eloquence. We are all sisters, as you wrote. N. West Moss

Dawn said...

Thanks for the post and the article. My friend had three miscarriages before she had her two bright beautiful children. I always had frank and hopefully informative dicussions with my Child Development High School students about it because I wanted them to have the knowledge to support themselves, family or friends faced with this very difficult experience.
Knowledge helps us support eachother.

SZ said...

Thanks for the link to a very moving essay -- one that unfortunately had a lot of resonance for me. It is truly amazing how many women have gone through this -- something I found out only after I went through it myself.

Meaghan said...

N. West Moss--Thank you for your comment. I was so moved by your piece that I felt compelled to share it with my readers. When you take that photo, in front of the sunflower, I hope you share it.

Dawn & SZ--Thanks for your comments as well. I wasn't sure how this post would be received, since miscarriage is so misunderstood and underdiscussed. I appreciate what you both shared here.

Meghan said...

I agree with SZ.
I suffered one the Feb after my son was born (in Aug).
While it wasn't a planned pregnancy, I was happy.
My husband was out of town for work & my family was no where to be found, in the end no matter how many people are around it's just you going thru it.